Born-again monogamist! I've never heard this before, brilliant!
I appreciate your call to arms of what healthy relationships can look like. Having recently divorced after 18 years, it felt like I had no healthy models of what a supportive, compassionate divorce could look like. So we forged our own path.
I recently read Jamie Wheal's book Recapture the Rapture. In an interview, he had said something to the effect of: "Romantic relationship, family, career success, non-monogamy: pick three." It's not impossible to have a successful relationship outside of monogamy, it's just a question of where priorities lie.
PS: SUCH a Spice Girls fan! "Say You'll Be There" has since invaded my brain space after reading this! lol
Gosh that's so funny Sarah I've been drafting my own prioritization piece recently because its so key to contentment. Clarity on your priorities, overlap with your partners priorities, and letting go of what you've not chosen, are fundamental for happiness. And wtf I just searched this book and “death and sex” are my favorite buzzwords so I can't believe I've not seen this - thank you!
Having my mom die when I was young left me little maternal models and relationship models, so maybe I'm overly obsessed with the idea of them! It also made me appreciate us path-forgers too ❤️
I hadn’t noticed myself in here and I am so honored. I’m so excited about my marriage—15 years in and things are fully alive. I was just commenting yesterday how thrilling it is to be in an era when we have institutions / structures that can be grounding and stable, but also infused with the element of choice instead of scarcity/ social imposition. What a time!!
Hell yea! This recently came up - I’m very grateful to be alive right now. My husband had told my dad that he (my dad) “must have been born at the worst time - old enough to see the best age of music, but too young to be a part of it.” My dad simultaneously laughed and let out a tear from the recognition of his longtime just-out-of-reach life story undertone. Then my husband said to me, “you nailed it really, didn’t you?” And I agreed. What lucky timing to be raised on Spice Girls, and be safe to work in sextech without being shamed (knock on wood). It could’ve been worse.
Very well written and a thoughtful idea for all moving forward in these modern times regarding relationships. I would not want to be single in today’s world.
Monogamy is “sexy” because it keeps people safe, it doesnt challenge the ego. Gen Z are known for their horrible anxieties so its no doubt that they wanna take the “easy” way out by fantasying about monogamy. Monogamy allows for power, possession and control basically of another person under the guise of love and commitment. I too yearned for monogamy once and felt it was the only right way to do relationships. But I learned that to be false. I think people should consciously choose what relationship style works best for them after trying a couple. Ive also learned thru endless research that monogamy is not natural for humans which is why so many of us struggle with commitment, cheating and divorce. However to each their own. Its easy in your 20s to think monogamy is the wave because again it’s the safer bet. But I think that ideal changes as you get older and you’ve spent a long time with someone.
If a relationship doesn't challenge your ego, you're not doing it right - as you say, power, possension, and control instead of partnership.
Of course everyone should choose what works for themselves! And naturally, as you say, those desires may shift with time. I used to consider myself a relationship anarchist. Now, less so!
I'd done my research too, and research on the research. Its less evidential than some ellude. Its an interesting topic, isn't it! If you haven't read on thr commitment and mating patterns of midwestern voles, I recommend and can link!!
Born-again monogamist! I've never heard this before, brilliant!
I appreciate your call to arms of what healthy relationships can look like. Having recently divorced after 18 years, it felt like I had no healthy models of what a supportive, compassionate divorce could look like. So we forged our own path.
I recently read Jamie Wheal's book Recapture the Rapture. In an interview, he had said something to the effect of: "Romantic relationship, family, career success, non-monogamy: pick three." It's not impossible to have a successful relationship outside of monogamy, it's just a question of where priorities lie.
PS: SUCH a Spice Girls fan! "Say You'll Be There" has since invaded my brain space after reading this! lol
Gosh that's so funny Sarah I've been drafting my own prioritization piece recently because its so key to contentment. Clarity on your priorities, overlap with your partners priorities, and letting go of what you've not chosen, are fundamental for happiness. And wtf I just searched this book and “death and sex” are my favorite buzzwords so I can't believe I've not seen this - thank you!
Having my mom die when I was young left me little maternal models and relationship models, so maybe I'm overly obsessed with the idea of them! It also made me appreciate us path-forgers too ❤️
I think Say You’ll Be There is my #1! 🥰
I hadn’t noticed myself in here and I am so honored. I’m so excited about my marriage—15 years in and things are fully alive. I was just commenting yesterday how thrilling it is to be in an era when we have institutions / structures that can be grounding and stable, but also infused with the element of choice instead of scarcity/ social imposition. What a time!!
Hell yea! This recently came up - I’m very grateful to be alive right now. My husband had told my dad that he (my dad) “must have been born at the worst time - old enough to see the best age of music, but too young to be a part of it.” My dad simultaneously laughed and let out a tear from the recognition of his longtime just-out-of-reach life story undertone. Then my husband said to me, “you nailed it really, didn’t you?” And I agreed. What lucky timing to be raised on Spice Girls, and be safe to work in sextech without being shamed (knock on wood). It could’ve been worse.
Very well written and a thoughtful idea for all moving forward in these modern times regarding relationships. I would not want to be single in today’s world.
It’s beyond comforting to have a partner amongst the madness, isn’t it?
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Ernie 🥰
“Last Time Lover” by the Spice Girls is my call to action.
Damn, I need you to guest sound manage!
Monogamy is “sexy” because it keeps people safe, it doesnt challenge the ego. Gen Z are known for their horrible anxieties so its no doubt that they wanna take the “easy” way out by fantasying about monogamy. Monogamy allows for power, possession and control basically of another person under the guise of love and commitment. I too yearned for monogamy once and felt it was the only right way to do relationships. But I learned that to be false. I think people should consciously choose what relationship style works best for them after trying a couple. Ive also learned thru endless research that monogamy is not natural for humans which is why so many of us struggle with commitment, cheating and divorce. However to each their own. Its easy in your 20s to think monogamy is the wave because again it’s the safer bet. But I think that ideal changes as you get older and you’ve spent a long time with someone.
If a relationship doesn't challenge your ego, you're not doing it right - as you say, power, possension, and control instead of partnership.
Of course everyone should choose what works for themselves! And naturally, as you say, those desires may shift with time. I used to consider myself a relationship anarchist. Now, less so!
I'd done my research too, and research on the research. Its less evidential than some ellude. Its an interesting topic, isn't it! If you haven't read on thr commitment and mating patterns of midwestern voles, I recommend and can link!!