Why is a Wedding the ‘Biggest Day of Your Life’?
P.S. Happy anniversary, Spouse
My wedding wasn’t the biggest day of my life.
Before I explain, I must add, Happy anniversary, Spouse xxx.
Economically speaking, even legally, the impact of November 4th was larger than most days of my pre-marital existence. But those are not the metrics on the minds of the well-meaning people saying, “It’s the biggest day of your life!” Right?
I’m not making a grand statement about de-centering romantic love. Because, as you’ll know (if you’re a reader here), love is my center.
It’s a statement about my “big day” being an inevitability to the circumstances that came before it. And our wedding day, though romantic and poignant, is inconsequential in my life story.
If that step on our path were missed, if we’d not wed, we’d still find ourselves living a comparable life. We’d be together, with two children. The trajectory of our coupledom had been set by days with greater velocity. Those real big bang days.
The biggest days of my life were those that altered my life's course. The figurative finger prod on the dominoes of my life story. The greatest days were the ones with the biggest velocity.
Without which, I’d not be naked at a desk chair nursing a baby while typing this. I’d have had time to put clothes on after I bathed. I’d not have a baby, not to mention a baby and a toddler.
From the vantage point of nude skin on a vinyl desk chair, I see 3 Big Days. Curiously, those days intersected with our lives just last week.
The Other Day, in the Afternoon
The other day Erika Lust followed me on Instagram. I’m sure she doesn’t even remember me. Why would she? And yet. I bet I wouldn’t be here if it weren't for her.
The First Big Day
I first contacted Erika around this time of year because I wanted to work for her.
Her husband responded within the hour. Kismet, I thought. We talked from afar until it was clear I had to move or never have the chance. So, I moved from Minnesota to Europe with two bags and no job.
The Second Big Day
On my first weekend living in London, I was determined to make friends.
I was humming a song my dad had introduced me to at my Grandma Betty’s funeral the week before when I opened Tinder and saw a profile with the same song that was in my mouth.
We met that afternoon. We married just under a year and a half later.
The Other Day, in the Evening
A new Instagram friend would’ve been forgettable, but that evening, Joe and I had tickets to a concert for the other person whose existence predetermined our existence, a. Savage, previously of Parquet Courts, the writer of Tenderness.
Erika wouldn’t know of her impact on my life, but he could know if I walked over and told him.
“He’s right there,” I said to Joe. “I should just go over there.”
We sat side-by-side on a picnic bench in the smoker's patio outside the venue when I noticed the musician himself hugging a woman in eight-ball printed jeans.
“No, no. Let it be natural.”
“But what if it can’t be? He’ll probably go on soon!”
Joe shrugged. He was right. Who would I be to step outside the path of my evening to interrupt this stranger’s path? No, I’d follow destiny, which, as nature goes, included a trip to the loo. Upon exiting, the musician himself was standing there in my path. I didn’t have a choice.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“I’m Abigail.”
“I’m a. Savage.”
“Your song Tenderness changed my life,” I explained.
“That was all you two.”
But was it? Come to think of it, the path was laid out much farther back.
Nearly a Decade Earlier
I was 19 when I first spoke with a psychic. She shared that she saw two men, John and Henry, discussing my inevitable match: my future betrothed would be a descendant of Henry’s.
John was the name of my deceased grandpa, Betty’s husband. Joe has Great-Grand Henrys on both sides of his family.
My life’s course might’ve been set back far further than I have capacity to see. The day with the greatest velocity - the biggest day of my life - might predate my birth. Who’s to say? Certainly not you - well-meaning or otherwise.
Today
With the perspective of our limited perspective, today’s as big A Day as any. I never felt the speed of life on those high-velocity days.
In this chair, with wet hair, a naked bum on a vinyl chair, I type with one arm while a one-year-old rests his head on the other. We’ll celebrate tonight, but we do most nights anyway.
In awe of the happenstance that we found each other, for I know how good life can be, even especially when you don’t have time to dress.
Thank you for spending Your Day with me
I’m shocked - we’re nearing 100 subscribing love lovers on Happy Endings.
I began this to meditate weekly on love. I knew it would make my life and my art better.
Naturally, I imagined a future where it might reach others and serve as a weekly love meditation for them, too, and it’s exciting to know that it might be happening. Is it? (Answer in the comments ☺️)
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Born-again Monogamist
I'm Abigail, sextech leader, born-again monogamist, and mother of two. I love love and am fascinated by romantic relationships. I like to think of Happy Endings as an interpersonal peep show that showcases my relationship as a reminder that love is alive and well. It's sometimes soppy, sometimes sexy, and will always make you feel something. (Not guaran…